Greetings lords and ladies of Harplestane and any other gentiles of the known world that this missive comes upon.
Lord Wolfgang, who many of you will know, being shire Seneschal, Defender of Caer Caledon, Chronicler and many other positions to numerous to mention, has finally decided that he must either take leave of his sanity or get some other keen and willing individual to become Chronicler.
Being the newest member to the Shire of Harplestane, with a limited knowledge of the medieval period and an even more limited knowledge of the SCA it may seem strange that I have been chosen by my peers to take on this role. However the truth is stranger than fiction but no where near as amusing.
There we were sitting in our local hostlery for the last shire meeting when Lord Wolfgang requested volunteers to take on the task of Chronicler. My first mistake was to not understand the mad rush to the toilets as the cunning subterfuge that it really was, my second was to lose three consecutive rounds of spin the flagon and third but probably most decisive was asking that one fatal question,
"What does it involve ?"
After being lulled in to a false sense of security by the kind (but potentially misleading) answers provided, a volunteer was apprehended.
I was under the misconception that the newsletter was primarily read by the good and not so good members of Harplestane who already know what they were letting themselves in for. I now realise that the majority of people who receive this are outwith the shire and will have but the vaguest idea of who I am. For all you lucky people who don't know who I am yet I hope that this short description may help.
If you have been at the War of the Roses, Spring Tourney (Insula Draconis) or the Champion of the Isles tournament (Egaill) I was the fighter in green, a colour scheme cunningly picked to hide the fact I spend most of the time in these events picking myself up from the tourney field. Despite being killed a lot I have been mentioned in dispatches several times:
"I don't know what his name is !" (Unattributed)
"That guy from Scotland in Green" (Unattributed),
"That's a nice helmet" (Paul de Gorey)*.
"You look a bit like Edmund Blackadder" (Sir Garrick von Kopke)**
For all of those who are still none the wiser I hope that through the duties as Chronicler and the future events in the Isles that I will eventually meet you all. In fact there is a stunning event being held in Harplestane on the 19th August if you want to meet me and the rest of the shire. We are a nice bunch, honest! Full details of which you will find on the following pages. (The event not the Shire).
I am still not sure how this whole thing works but here goes. If any of you budding scribes, chroniclers or artists out there would like to provide me with articles to publish, comments, letters, pictures etc. then feel free. My intention is to keep my commentary to a minimum (after this one ), keep everything as fun and as light as possible, put in anything that is witty or interesting, events information, articles on general medieval subjects, i.e. cooking, flowers, crafts, fighting . Idle gossip, witty comment or general libellous banter are all completely acceptable.
Enjoy !!
* a man of impeccable taste
** a man with obviously failing eyesight(Allegedly)
The first thing to consider when making children's kit is how much effort you can reasonably put into it. After all, children do have an annoying habit of growing out of garb just as you put the finishing touches to it. If you have a large family, or are part of a group with a lot of children in, then swapping or passing on clothing saves a lot of bother.
Fortunately, there are other ways of saving time and effort. For instance, what can you reasonably buy? A pair of plain coloured cotton trousers (not fluorescent or black) will work well under a T tunic, and your child can wear them with mundane clothing as well. Take a look at children's slippers as well, plain fabric, or velvet ones will work with late period garb, and leather moccasin style ones will be a lot better than trainers for early period. It is possible to get sheepskin baby boots in some places. Short, plain leather boots might be worthwhile as well if your offspring will wear them with mundane clothing as well, otherwise they're probably too expensive.
A plain white long nightdress will work as an underdress, if you can find one in a suitable style for your period.
Now for the stuff you actually have to make. An important point here is to make it a few sizes too big. My daughter wore her first set of garb, an underdress and a wool overdress, from the age of 3 weeks to 15 months without any modifications at all. Start your child off in a T tunic which is baggy and below the knee, and two years later they will have a mid-thigh length tunic and all you will have had to do is lengthen the sleeves by adding different coloured cuff bands as required. Jerkins and such have to fit slightly better, but you can still get away with making them in a size which allows a year or so of growth without them looking too baggy.
A gathered Viking-style under dress is a wonderful thing. You need four rectangles of fabric, and three drawstrings. It's meant to be baggy, and the sleeve length can be anything from wrist to elbow, so as your daughter grows all you have to do is add length to it. Try rolling up a big hem when you first make it, and let the material out as required. A Viking hangaroc is a rectangle of fabric, wrapped around the body and fastened with brooches. Length can be anywhere from ankle to knee, so it should last a while. Make the shoulder straps with braid to save more time. With this your daughter can wear either a plain headscarf or a simple bonnet, (see pattern). In colder weather add a long T tunic style wool dress, making it baggy and adding strips of cloth to the wrists and bottom of it as it gets too short.
If your son is prepared to wear 16th Century style clothes (he might, if you tell him that it's what pirates wore), then buy a white cotton shirt several sizes to big and cut the collar off, add a pair of plain coloured lycra leggings, a belt or sash, and all you then have to make is a sleeveless jerkin. You can add a simple hat with a drawstring around the brim for adjustability, (pattern included here), and a ruff if you think he'll go for it.
For later period girls garb try an underdress, a jerkin and hat (same pattern as for boys), and a skirt with a drawstring waist, preferably matching the jerkin.
I have been fighting SCA style for several years now and by all accounts I'm fairly good, having received a white belt and a crown. However one thing bothers me, every time I go to a tourney there is always a small group of people who keep looking at my sword and laughing. I'm beginning to develop a complex about it. Do you have any suggestions as to what they find so amusing?
Yours Anon.
Dear Carrick,
I too have noticed this at events. The reason for your malaise is your thrusting tip. It is a commonly held belief that its not size that's important but what you do with it. I should remind you that the Marshals hand book is very specific and size is most definitely vital. May I suggest an extra layer of close cell foam and some more duck tape.
Dear Tancred.
I have been researching the background for my Crusader persona. I like the murder , mayhem and general deviousness of the period but one thing bothers me. If I join a military order will that make me a cross dresser ?
Yours Confused..
Dear Confused,
Don't worry, everyone has doubts over their first persona, at the end of the day it doesn't make you a bad person. Remember, its what you wear under of your armour that is the true reflection of your persona. I can supply a couple of catalogues of assorted leather undergarments if you are interested.
Dear Tancred,
I have been reading the official history of Drachenwald and find that the Historian has over exerted themselves. I have been credited with not only winning Warbands but also the total destruction of the defenders. Unfortunately this was not entirely true, well actually not even remotely true. What should I do to make amends to the actual winner of the event.
Earl Michael de Lacy.
My Lord Michael,
As a Knight and Duke of Drachenwald you know that honour is always above victory. May I suggest buying the wining team a cask of the Isles finest ale. In addition when you are next King behead the historian.
Dear Tancred
I have read the official history of the last Warbands event and I was most concerned that true recognition for my illustrious team-mates was not forthcoming. What should I do. Arafel.
Dear Arafel,
Warbands II is only a few weeks away. Train hard, make alliances and kill without mercy. Once you are King behead that massager of the Crowns ego the official historian.
Dear Tancred,
This will be my third tourney season. I'm afraid that I will never get through to the second round of a tournament. How should I approach this years season.
Anon
Dear Marshal,
The only way to get better is to train under experienced fighters, Travel down to Insula Draconis. The last three winners of crown tourney and the Champion of the Isles all train there. (But its okay because they don't brag.) Failing that you only have yourself to blame. Which could be more of a hindrance than a help. Remember that there is always next year.
Dear Tancred,
I have a bit of a problem with period spelling can you suggest a good medieval dictionary.
Yours
Michael be Brad.
Dear Chronicler,
Fortunately most people in the middle ages were illiterate, so your standard of English fits in quite well. As for period spelling, use the spell check more often.
Tancred
Once more the Blether rears its ugly head much like a sea monster that inhabits the uncharted areas of the great oceans. Impressive from a distance but not something you would want to take home to show your parents.
There have been quite a few changes in the last year, especially amongst the Drachenwald Royalty. Count Sir Garick and Countess Talitha stepped down but not before they gave the editor of this magazine an AOA for and I quote "The high standards of Journalistic Integrity " in the hope that they would be spared the usual Blether incisive commentary. The editorial staff were a bit bemused by this as no one has ever tried bribing them before, mistaking it as a generous gift instead. Next followed Earl Sir Edouard and Countess Eanor whose reign passed without comment from the "B team". Royalty being Royalty were so miffed by this omission that they have joined the ranks of PCS's that are both a blessing and a bane to Drachenwald. Their Royal Majesties Elffin and Vanna are currently in charge although Elffin has shown some tendencies to poor judgment and possible hereditary insanity over Rockall, but then he will only be King for another couple of months. Their Royal Highnesses Jurgen and Lilliard will take up the baton in June. It only seems fair that we should wait till they sit upon the hallowed throne before digging up the dirt on them.
What does this prove?, Only that Royalty comes and goes but that a Kingdom Officer is for life!!. So, remember, feed your officer well, keep them on a short leash and take them for regular walks. You know it makes sense, cuts down on the bad breath and gives their coats a healthy shine. If you want to be really nice to them, giving them a good scratch behind the ears works well, or so I've been told.
There is a real mix of articles and fillers for you to digest in this issue. Anne Colet, who is rapidly becoming one of our regular contributors discusses sex and pregnancy but not necessarily in that order. There is a treatise on awards especially for the Warbands event,Tancred Beerswiller's problem page is back by public demand and last but no means least a new feature, Stud Muffin of the month, appropriately positioned on page 3.
As yet the Blether has attracted neither a subscriber nor an article from outwith the shire. There were rumours that the Peers of the realm were going to sponsor Tancred's Problem page. It was felt on reflection however that the editorial independence of the Blether might be compromised, that and they didn't offer enough money, beer and sheep to make it worth my while.
Dear Tancred
I have heard rumours that one of Harplestane's fighters considers himself irresistible to women. Is this true and what is his secret ?
Yours
Envious
Dear Envious
You've been listening to Michael de Brad again haven't you. Of course it is true. That dark hair, that strange grin he wears in combat, those long slim features, his immaculate armour and most importantly his trousers of irresistibility.
Tancred
Dear Tancred
I have watched the many knights of Drachenwald with interest, but one thing puzzles me. Why is there such a great variety in the length of their white belts.
Yours
Bemused
Dear Bemused,
these sort of things are generally only discussed in Chivalry meetings. However the greatest thinkers of our age spent much time discussing it at their last meeting in the local hostelry, The Ferret and Trouser. There would appear to be an inverse relationship between belt length and size of thrusting tip, the longer the belt, the smaller the thrusting tip. See Count Sir Garick for details.
Tancred
Dear Tancred ,
I am due to squire to a knight soon. I am happy with the relationship that we have, however he insists that I should get a red belt with grommets in it.
Yours
Nervous
Dear Nervous,
The relationship between knight and squire is indeed special and should be considered carefully before entering into such a commitment. However, I would think long and hard about getting your belt pierced for your Knight. While it may add some sensitivity to the whole relationship, it may not right for you. I would try and persuade your Knight that your belt is fine as it is. After all he has to respect you for who you are, and besides, I have heard that the process of piercing makes your eyes water.
Tancred
Dear Tancred
What is the identity of Arafels little friend. I have heard it discussed many times but no one seems willing to divulge his name.
yours
Curious
Dear Curious,
Even I did not dare mention the gentles name while he was resident in the Isles. But now that he has departed these shores it is safe to reveal that Arafel's diminutive associate is none other than Edouard Beausoleil.
Tancred
Dear Tancred,
We are constantly being undermined, plagued and attacked by enemies from across the sea. How will we assert our rightful claim to the sacred land of our ancestors.
Yours
The Puffins
Dear friends,
As you are loyal Scottish Puffins holding the Stronghold of Rockall we understand your predicament. The whole of Scotland will do all in their power to aid you in your attempts to defend yourselves against the unnatural demands of those rapacious Irish Gannets. The current Champion of Rockall, he whose name is synonyous with all that is good is currently mounting an expedition to free you from the tyrannical overtures of these Harpies from hell.
Tancred
Dear Tancred
While at the last 12th Night celebrations in the Isle's I noted a large number of people wearing crowns all talking and laughing together. How would you describe such a group of nobility and their hangers on.
Yours Obsequious
Dear Obsequious,
A group of such individuals are generally known as a gaggle of peers at least in polite society. However as I'm not part of polite society they are called a XXXXXXXXXXXX
( The editor for reasons of his own safety has decided that Tancred's normal forthright views should be censored in this particular case.)
Were we? Well, yes, we were. Reading letters and other sources from the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries, I have been struck by a very relaxed attitude to these subjects. It is easy to be infected by Victorian prudery, and to imagine that "nice people" never talked about such things, certainly in mixed company, but this is not true. Sex and pregnancy were important markers in medieval times, when consummation was the binding aspect of marriage, and the ceremony could consist of no more than a private declaration between two people. Henry VIII's courtiers must have talked of little else, as he and his wives variously tried to prove who they had or had not slept with or been secretly promised to. In fact, "slept with" was not sufficient. Although Prince Arthur and Catherine of Aragon had been properly bedded with witnesses, and despite Arthur's boast next morning that he had "been this night in the midst of Spain", both Catherine and Henry maintained steadfastly that she had been a maid when he came to her.
Literally sleeping together was however the norm for most couples, unlike the Victorian ideal of separate bedrooms, and the letters we have are from couples for whom this was evidently a happy arrangement. Margaret Paston begs her husband to send for her, if he is going to be in London for long, "for I thynke long sen I lay in your armes". It was also acknowledged even in formal situations: many of Lord Lisle's correspondents from court ask to be recommended "unto my most singular good lady, your bedfellow". Sex was positively encouraged within marriage - "how should their matrimony bee other-wise a meanes of preventing whoredom?" The Boke of Husbandrye (this is husbandry for husbands, like adultery for adults) recommends that a wife should be "merry of cheer, well paced and easy to leap upon".
A wife should also of course be fertile, and it is surprising even now how much men were involved with pregnancy. This was obviously another subject for constant conjecture at court, with the King desperate for an heir, but the prospect of a child was announced just as joyfully by others, and all acquaintances would confidently predict a son, wishing the mother-to-be "a good, fortunate and a prosperous hour". Women wrote fondly to their husbands of their bulges: "Ye have left me such a remembrance that maketh me to think upon you both day and night when I would sleep" says Margaret Paston, and Catherine Parr, pregnant for the first time by her fourth husband, Lord Seymour, reports "It hath stirred these three days every morning and evening so that I trust when you come it will make you some pastime". And men wrote back with sympathy for the discomfort and uncertainties of pregnancy. John Husee, the Lisles' agent, writes to his mistress "If I thought it would not be painful I would that your Ladyship might have [2] goodly sons", and asks that she recommend him "to your little boy in your belly, the which I pray God to send into your arms". As medicine could do little for the pregnant woman, she relied very much on prayers and on charms and amulets, which friends would lend around. However, I would like to know what Honor Lisle's reaction was when (if!) she learnt of this letter to Lord Lisle from their neighbour, Sir John Wallop.
"And against my lady's lying-in I have sent her two bottles of waters meet for that purpose, and specially when she draweth nigh the churching time [the water] is restrynetyve and draweth together like a purse. Furthermore, when a woman's breasts be long, it raiseth them higher and rounder, which peradventure shall be good for some of your neighbours! As for my lady, needeth not."
How did he know??
References:
The Lisle Letters, edited by Muriel St Clare Byrne. Lord Lisle was the illegitimate son of Edward IV, and Governor of Calais from 1533 until 1537.
The Six Wives of Henry VIII, by Antonia Fraser
The Tudor Housewife, by Alison Sim
Women's Lives in Medieval Europe: a sourcebook, by Emilie Amt
Given the defender's great showing at the last Warbands it was decided that new battle tactics would not need to be developed. However to inspire all the participants to even greater valour a number of awards have been specially devised.
The Order of the Hedgehog.
The siege of Edzell castle uses missile weapons to some degree. To commemorate this, this award will be given to the fighter who uses his body to stop the largest number of missile weapons on the day. Cries of "on the head John" and other such warlike utterances may or may not help to gain this particular award. In special circumstances the award will be given if, while only a single shot has been stopped, provided that this has been in such ridiculous circumstances that the event is continually recounted to the embarrassment of the recipients. Current holder of this is Lord Padraig de Courcy who being one of only three fighters standing at the end of one particular battle was struck down by an arrow that took fully two minutes to fly through the air while he was busy getting his colleageus to watch for archers. The award in this particular case was given with oak leaves as he was heard to cry the immortal words, "Oh Bugger" as he fell to the ground.
The Order of The Seal.
This will be given to any fighter who knowingly challenges a fighter of greater ability to single combat within the confines of Edzell castle. The resultant combat will consist of the recipient being clubbed like a baby seal. The order of the Seal with Club is for those fighters who manage this after fighting an opponent of considerably lesser ability. Earl Michael de Lacy currently holds this having being thrust in the face plate by Thorfin, at the time our most inexperienced fighter after a protracted combat in the gateway of the keep. The bearer of the Seal with Club is usually greeted by a large barking sound and the clapping of hands/arms in a wide friendly sort of way.
The Order of the Rising Grolley.
Given to those fighters whose expertise with long thrusting spears and pikes makes them a force to be reckoned with, and a damn good reason for double checking that you have your cup on. Awarded to Edouard Beausoleil after he took down several members of the opposing squads with what can only be described as some of the best lift and separate shots that someone has ever been unfortunate enough to have been on the wrong side off.
The Order of the Ouuummmmmph.
This award is always given in conjunction with a rising grolley award. Both Garick and Arafel received this on account of the sharp expulsion of breath that was heard coming from within their helmets on the two occasions that Edouard was receiving the Order of the Rising Grolley. In fact Garick was presented with the highest form of this award, the Black and Blue Ouuummmmmmph on account of the length of time it took him to re-enter the combat.
After last years disastrous showing by the Harplestane levy it has been decided to develop a new battle plan. The reason we have been beaten in the past has nothing to do with the enemy being better trained, having longer weapons or even bigger beards. We lost because we had no faith in ourselves. We were not able to gain the morale ascendancy over them. These tactics are designed to give Harplestane its confidence back and to let our enemies stare in disbelief.
Form Mob
At a prearranged signal the neat lines of heavy fighters will huddle together in what appears to be an uncoordinated mass. The light will mill around at the back, aimlessly. This ruse will lull our enemy into a false sense of security. Then our best fighters will out and despatch the enemies knights. With this achieved they will retire back to the reformed shield wall, unscathed and covered in glory.
Cower.
The heavy fighters will drop to the ground and cower under their shields. This will enable the light to have an uninterrupted field of fire on the enemy. They will die in their droves.
Berserk.
In the classic attack/defence scenario, if the attacking force will not advance for some reason, a berserk should be called for in an attempt to shame them. This should only be used in the direst emergency (or as soon as someone gets bored and wants to hit people. These berserks have been schooled in the fact that death is transitory and that combat is fun.
Stand.
The heavy fighters will from two ranks. The one pole weapon will be used in the second line. The light as is now traditional will hide. The result will be inevitable The Harplestane levy will impress everyone with the speed with which they can die. New tabards have been created that make the fighters look even better dead than alive. Always play to your strengths.
Flee.
A variation on stand. When half the unit has been destroyed the remnants will turn directly away from the enemy and run as quickly as possible to the nearest resurrection point. It saves time later.
Surrender.
In this stratagem the whole unit will drop all its weapons and beg for mercy. This has the benefit that at least the tabards don't get dirty !!!